“The Interview”

Luke 24:44-53

28 May 2017 – Ascension of the Lord

The Rev. Todd R. Goddard, Pastor

East Rochester & West Walworth: Zion United Methodist Churches

 

Luke 24:44-53

Then he said to them, “These are my words that I spoke to you while I was still with you—that everything written about me in the law of Moses, the prophets, and the psalms must be fulfilled.” Then he opened their minds to understand the scriptures, and he said to them, “Thus it is written, that the Messiah is to suffer and to rise from the dead on the third day, and that repentance and forgiveness of sins is to be proclaimed in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things. And see, I am sending upon you what my Father promised; so stay here in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.”

Then he led them out as far as Bethany, and, lifting up his hands, he blessed them. While he was blessing them, he withdrew from them and was carried up into heaven. And they worshiped him, and returned to Jerusalem with great joy; and they were continually in the temple blessing God.

 

 

Prayer.

 

Hello.

My name is Pastor Todd.

You can call me Todd.

It’s nice to meet you.

Have a seat.

 

 

Thank you for coming in for this interview.

And I thank you for dressing professionally;

It says a lot about the character of a person.

As you probably know,

There are an unlimited number of positions

That we are looking to fill.

 

One detail I forgot to ask

When we exchanged emails to set up this interview:

Have you been baptized?

If you haven’t, that’s okay.

I can make all the arrangements;

Baptism can be scheduled for a future Sunday.

 

What baptism does is to join us all together

In a common relationship with Jesus Christ and with each other.

Once you’ve been baptized,

One can be legally considered a Christian.

Becoming a Christian is a lot

Like joining a Facebook group,

Except once in the group,

You’re there for good.

If you have been baptized;

Great! We are good to go.

 

Let’s see.

Let’s give the job description a review, shall we?

 

 

 

 

JOB DESCRIPTION

Position Title: Witness. Also known as Disciple, Apostle, Brother, or Sister.

 

This is considered a Full-Time, Exempt position (Exempt means you are a salaried profession and your Divine supervisor may ask you to work as much as is necessary to complete the assigned task.)

 

Hours of Duty: The appropriate candidate will need to be prepared to work every conscious moment, be called all hours of the day or night, regardless of location. There is work to be done holidays, weekends, 24/7/365.

 

Location: Some travel is required. For example, it is expected that you will travel to and from weekly worship. Most employment related work is community based and is not to be conducted at the church building.

 

 

Educational requirements: none.

·        A history of Bible study is helpful, but not necessary. Bible study may be personal, community based, or academic. Study may include a history of Sunday School achievement, Vacation Bible School participation, regular worship attendance, and singing in the choir.

·        A general awareness of the Bible is helpful, but not required. If you do not have a Bible, one will be provided.

·        Ongoing continuing education is expected of all witnesses.

 

Orientation and training for the right candidate will be conducted free of charge. Advancement is expected. Credentialing and licensure is provided personally by the Divine supervisor.

Supervisor: God; though often times God will work through His Spirit to provide guidance through the words and actions of other Witnesses.

 

 

Primary Responsibilities (as outlined at the ascension of Jesus)

·        Testify to the fact that Jesus is the Messiah – the one sent by God to save all God’s people. This witness will be passed on to you during your orientation. It comes from a two-thousand year history of being passed from one generation to the next. Witnesses will only receive certified witnesses from previous generations. Deviations from, or additions to these essentials will render the witness null and void.

·        Testify to the fact that Jesus suffered, died, was resurrected from the dead and ascended into heaven. Hundreds of people witnessed both his execution, resurrection, and ascension. These initial events, and subsequent events recording the explosive propagation of Christianity will be taught to you over your entire life span. This witness is certified and substantiated.

·        Testify to the fact that Jesus seeks the repentance of sin from all people (present company included). Repentance is to be conducted on a cyclical basis. Instructional methods and techniques will be taught to all successful candidates, and will be repeated on a recurrent three-year lectionary cycle.

·        The witness is expected to grant forgiveness of sins, in the name of Jesus, to all who repent from sinning.

 

 

 

Start Date: The Witness will not start work until empowered by the Supervisor’s Holy Spirit. The empowerment of the Holy Spirit will be self-evident. Return here next Sunday, June 4, 2017, and gather with other new hires in this sanctuary at 11:00 am.

 

 

Important notes:

·        All Witnesses are encouraged to work in pairs or small groups.

·        A righteous lifestyle (as defined by adherence to the Ten Commandments and to the commandments of Jesus, as recorded in the Gospels), with regular attention to repentance and attendance in worship, is expected of all Witness.

·        Witnesses are to refrain from passing judgment upon others, both those in the program and those being recruited into the program. The position of “Judge” has already been filled. Repress the urge to force others to adapt to your personal values and cultural beliefs.

·        Witnesses are expected to be image conscious. How we dress, act, speak, and conduct our affairs reflects upon God. Therefore, a warm, positive, gracious attitude is expected of all Witnesses.

·        Witnesses are directed to start locally, then, with time and experience, will be directed to work globally.

·        This is considered a “High Risk” position. Many Witnesses have been persecuted, kidnapped, tortured, and killed – referred in the organization as “martyrdom.” Though statistically rare in today’s world, the possibility continues to exist. Such persecution today are often limited to harassment and derision (people making fun of you).

 

Benefits:

·        Pay Scale: No Experience – God will provide for your every need

                   Laity - God will provide for your every need

                   Pastors - God will provide for your every need

·        Forgiveness: all Witnesses will be unconditionally forgive of sins, upon sincere repentance, regardless of circumstances.

·        Salvation: all Witnesses will take part in Club-Salvation. As the world is being transformed into God’s kingdom, individual benefits of eternal life will be granted. This process will include, but not be limited to, the restoration of broken relationships, freedom from disease, sickness, or injury, a reserved table at the heavenly banquet, and Gold Card acceptance into the community of Saints.

 

Does anyone have any questions?

Great!

After worship, feel free to ask me any questions.

 

Thank you for your attendance and participation in this interview.

There is no need for a second interview.

 

 

You’re hired!

Each and every one present is considered hired.

Welcome to the company!

 

Amen.